This story must start with a brief understanding of my first birth.
A naïve first-time mom going into the system blind, getting the epidural, having a random OB deliver (because mine were all unavailable)
experiencing a 4th degree tear and not being emotionally valued in the hospital – all of which led me to question the entire birthing process. When I got pregnant again, I knew I didn’t want to relive that experience.
After the birth of my daughter, I had a pretty profound awakening to what birth is really all about. In a much larger sense of the word, I recognized deep within me that bringing life into this world is one of the most important and incredible journeys one could take. I felt that our society set up a system to downgrade that by striping women of their choices and making them fear the idea of natural birth, and I couldn’t get it out of my head that it didn’t have to be that way. So, even though I had conscious (society-driven) thoughts second-guessing my choice, I had a much larger internal feeling of my soul pulling me
towards a home birth.
I live my life with personal faith that I am guided towards the direction I need to be going. Before I met Hannah, I was 28 weeks along and feeling really defeated, like my home birth dream wasn’t going to happen. As soon as Hannah and I had our first conversation, my whole body relaxed. I knew it was going to be fine because here was this midwife, this amazing source of natural birth knowledge, ready to guide me through the experience. I soon came to learn how much understanding Hannah had about the birthing
process, making it easy to digest and tending to each question I asked with patience and compassion. I truly felt so held, heard and safe with her expertise. At one point she told me it was her job to ‘hold the calm’ of everyone’s nervous system and I can say with certainty that she excelled in doing so.
I started early labor around 12am on a Sunday night, and let Hannah know around 1:30 that my contractions were coming closer together and getting more intense. My husband filled up the birthing tub while we waited for Hannah to come, and in the meantime, I tried getting into comfortable positions during contractions. Hannah arrived around 2:30am and from there on I stayed focus on getting through my contractions while Hannah and my husband kept the pool warm. For some reason, my body was not ready to get into the water until I knew it was time to push – one of the many amazing ways listening to my body and feeling all the sensations helped me through this process.
Once I was in the warm water, everything sped up. My water broke, and on the very next contraction my baby’s head moved down. That single contraction was the only one I yelled, “I can’t do this!”. In that moment, Hannah reminded me that sayings are affirmations and the body listens, which was such a pivotal reminder and it helped ground me back into my body. From then on during each contraction, I focused on the visualizations I had gone over for months and months prior, and I kept myself grounded by staying with my breath. It seems almost impossible to relax into contractions but with focused attention I
was able to do just that, which made the rest of the birth a wholly visceral experience. Three contractions later, his head was out. Again, Hannah was there with her knowledge of what was to happen next, letting me know I was going to feel him shift his shoulders and to put my leg into a certain position to help him along. At 4:30am with one more push, he came out and I couldn’t believe I had done it.
One of the main reasons I chose home birth was to be in my own sanctuary immediately following the birth. I was able to get a shower and lay in my own bed within 45 minutes of giving birth, and I stayed in my bed for the next few days. I was able to lie next to my husband, I was able to eat my own food, and I was able to feel emotionally safe in a space I created specifically for that. I didn’t have nurses coming in constantly, checking on baby and mom. I didn’t have bright lights or beeping sounds surrounding me. I believe wholeheartedly that because I was in a calm, safe environment, my body and nervous system
were able to recover and stay calm after the birth. I remember feeling the desperate need to leave the hospital with the birth of my daughter, and that crucial emotional memory brought me so much joy as I lay in my own bed watching my son get weighed.
To say this experience changed my life wouldn’t do it justice, because I know much more will come of this choice I made as I reflect more on it. It has sparked within me a desire to let women know just how intuitive and capable our bodies are, and to believe in the magic that is natural birth. I know for a fact I wouldn’t have had such a beautiful experience if it weren’t for the guidance and care of Hannah. I would recommend and trust her with anyone I know.
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